I confess that I keep thinking that I will reach a point of preparedness, where I won't be surprised by things, by people.
This is twice this week where things have come up in counseling sessions where I have an internal monologue that goes something like this:
"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!"
followed by this:
"My training did not prepare me for this!"
This feeling of unpreparedness, of not knowing what to do, or of what the next step should be--of how I can be helpful, or of what the Lord has up his sleeve--has caught me off-guard yet again. It is not a nice feeling, and leaves me somewhat paralyzed. I'd like to think that at some point (God knows when) I will have seen enough of the world and of the sin in it to not be shocked by it. Someone older and wiser than me (probably Terry Traylor) told me once that if I ever reach that point, to let him know how I got there. This is just another instance of the Lord humbling me to see that He is the only one who understands people fully, and that we need to trust Him for guidance and care...but my heart cries out that this is not good enough for me. I want to be superman. I confess.
1 comment:
Cousin, I definitely can relate -- not because I'm doing at all what you're doing, but because the feelings of not being in control and of feeling totally inadequate are pretty universal -- and terrifying to perfectionists like me! In fact, on a very different playing field, I'm struggling with them this week as my baby approaches (due date today). I'll forward you an email so you can see my struggles in this area. May the Lord continue to "wow" you with His mercy and goodness as He solves the problems you can't, and may He give both of us a deeper trust and reliance on Himself. Love you!
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