Dear Readers,
At last I can write you and give good news instead of depressing. I have a job! I had an interview last week at WES Health Services, a behavioral health provider based in Philadelphia. The interview itself only lasted 30 minutes, at the end of which my interviewer offered me the sole open English-speaking position. I deliberated for a day or two, and then called her and accepted! The salary is good, has benefits and a retirement package, and now I only await HR calling me in to fill out paperwork and do background checks.
Praise the Lord.
I cannot tell you how this journey has unsettled and burdened me throughout the summer. I felt lost, wandering about without a compass. Even in saying that I am aware of the contradiction inherent in the statement, because it is the Lord who guides and directs our steps. I only need to see so far in front of me, but my heart yearns to peer further into the future. Now that I have a general idea of my next step, I feel that I can begin to prepare to take it. I felt as though my life were on pause throughout this past season, and now the Lord has seen fit to hit "play" once more. I look forward to seeing what the next few scenes are like! What could He be doing?
And yet...part of me is surprised at my current mental state. I am still the same I was last week; no miraculous maturation occurred overnight. I am not as grown as I thought I was (you are not surprised to hear this, but I was surprised to realize it). I am still the child I have always been, only now I have greater responsibility. My life was not "fixed" by getting a job. Ha! Fancy that! Objectively speaking, I never expected it to, but part of me supposed that I would change. Really now, it is the Lord who changes hearts; how could I possibly believe otherwise?
Praise the Lord.
"The secret mysteries belong to You;
We only know what You reveal.
And all my questions that are unresolved
Don't change the wisdom of Your will."
Praise the Lord.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
On Insufficiency
I get the feeling that this has been the theme of the past few months for me. The Lord is clearly teaching me my dependence upon Him. It is uncomfortable. The season following graduation from WTS has in no way been what I'd expected; then again, I don't know what I expected, so how can I be disappointed? What I find is that now, with the majority of my friends back in school, my strings have been cut and I don't quite know which direction the Lord is now taking me. The things that used to structure my life no longer apply, and the Lord wants me to find my support and balance in Him. I know this.
It would be one thing if what my life comprised of previously were simply to vanish and be replaced by something new. This is not necessarily the case. I still have lingering bits and pieces of my student life, I still have the same friends and want to return to my old haunts, but I feel out of place there. Even more, the new challenges I am currently facing leave me feeling completely unprepared and insufficient. Hence this post, asking for prayer. I need wisdom in how to proceed.
Currently, I am working part-time with my Shepherding Pastor at New Life Glenside church, and he is referring me to cases of young(ish) women who are on the fringes of the congregation and needing encouraging and discipling. That is where my job begins, but where it goes remains to be seen. One of my persons of interest poses a particular challenge to me, in that she seems to not only be struggling with mental health matters, but personal and difficult spiritual ones as well. Facing all of this at once makes me feel panicky and pretty much want to run in the opposite direction--until I feel the Lord pulling on my heart and calling me back to Him. I know what He desires me to do, but I cannot see how He could possibly use me, or want to use me, in this situation. The beliefs held by this particular woman are decidedly different from mine, though she counts herself as Christian, and while she respects me and knows that I work for the church, she does not seem open to whatever small truths I try to offer her. I wonder how I can encourage her if the very basis of my own encouragement is disagreeable to her? If, for example, when I said today that her very awareness of her own struggle with the Lord is encouraging because it evidences the work of the spirit, she says "I don't know what I think of that," how can I respond? With patience and grace, I know. It makes me angry when she says her mother was, on our first meeting, testing me to see what kind of knowledge of the Scripture and of the Lord I had. It confuses and scares me when she tells me that someone is like Paul in the flesh, and that it is ok for them to make people uncomfortable because Paul and the other Apostles made people uncomfortable. It saddens me when she says that she will never know Jesus the way other people do, or that she is sick because she does not have enough faith. It worries me when she tells me that she needs to find the root cause of her illness now, while she is young, because if she doesn't it will cause further damage later in life. These things may have elements of truth in them, yes, but some of them are just plain wrong. Am I gentle enough to respond well? As Christ would, in truth and love, not over-emphasizing either?
It would be one thing if what my life comprised of previously were simply to vanish and be replaced by something new. This is not necessarily the case. I still have lingering bits and pieces of my student life, I still have the same friends and want to return to my old haunts, but I feel out of place there. Even more, the new challenges I am currently facing leave me feeling completely unprepared and insufficient. Hence this post, asking for prayer. I need wisdom in how to proceed.
Currently, I am working part-time with my Shepherding Pastor at New Life Glenside church, and he is referring me to cases of young(ish) women who are on the fringes of the congregation and needing encouraging and discipling. That is where my job begins, but where it goes remains to be seen. One of my persons of interest poses a particular challenge to me, in that she seems to not only be struggling with mental health matters, but personal and difficult spiritual ones as well. Facing all of this at once makes me feel panicky and pretty much want to run in the opposite direction--until I feel the Lord pulling on my heart and calling me back to Him. I know what He desires me to do, but I cannot see how He could possibly use me, or want to use me, in this situation. The beliefs held by this particular woman are decidedly different from mine, though she counts herself as Christian, and while she respects me and knows that I work for the church, she does not seem open to whatever small truths I try to offer her. I wonder how I can encourage her if the very basis of my own encouragement is disagreeable to her? If, for example, when I said today that her very awareness of her own struggle with the Lord is encouraging because it evidences the work of the spirit, she says "I don't know what I think of that," how can I respond? With patience and grace, I know. It makes me angry when she says her mother was, on our first meeting, testing me to see what kind of knowledge of the Scripture and of the Lord I had. It confuses and scares me when she tells me that someone is like Paul in the flesh, and that it is ok for them to make people uncomfortable because Paul and the other Apostles made people uncomfortable. It saddens me when she says that she will never know Jesus the way other people do, or that she is sick because she does not have enough faith. It worries me when she tells me that she needs to find the root cause of her illness now, while she is young, because if she doesn't it will cause further damage later in life. These things may have elements of truth in them, yes, but some of them are just plain wrong. Am I gentle enough to respond well? As Christ would, in truth and love, not over-emphasizing either?
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