Friday, March 30, 2007

i am a disciple of...?


which school? am i a Westminster student or CCEF student? i can't decide if i fit in either box. i don't think i am academic/theological/philosophical enough for WTS, and yet i don't know if i am a gung-ho supporter of CCEF as a movement.
i suppose i feel that CCEF has elevated their view of Biblical Counseling to Gospel status, that it alone is the way and the truth [of Counseling]. which is ironic, considering the Biblical Counseling model is all about pointing people back to Christ and Scripture to guide counseling. don't get me wrong, i think that Biblical Counseling *is* the best counseling field out there, i suppose i just get tired of hearing professors talk about how we are the only ones thinking about these things.
at the same time, i seriously cannot keep up in theological discussions. it is very stretching for me to be in them, granted, but i am simply not that well-read and the contributions i make to the conversations always seem [to me] to be trite and cliché...and unhelpful. however, i don't want all of my friends to be in the exact same bubble as me or completely like-minded to me.
given all of this, i think that the MA program probably gives the best balance of these two schools; the problem with this "balance" is that i do not feel fully integrated into either of them. i feel a tension between them and it is acutely uncomfortable. where do i belong? i go from wondering what hole in the ground some of my fellow counseling students have been living in [hearing some of the comments made in class] to feeling like the least educated person on the planet in theology classes and debates.
i am well aware of how my pride is playing into this. i *want* to be intelligent and educated, but i also have a counseling heart. that is why i chose to follow the call and move up to PA for this grad program. despite of, or perhaps because of this, i am frustrated when i find that some things are not up to my expectations or standards.
so can i be both? can i be at least moderately well-educated *and* a counseling student? or does studying counseling mash me into the box of being soft and humanistic?

i find it all boils down to this: whom do i choose to be a disciple of? easy question: i am a disciple of Jesus. how does this translate into my everyday life? i find this to be a general question for me right now. a lot of things that i never suspected would change *are* changing, and it is literally rocking my world. i haven't yet decided if these rockings are good ones, but they are certainly shaking things up and making me rely on the One who can calm the waves with a word--and that is not me. sometimes i wish it were me. sometimes.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

birthdays!


this is a post to celebrate two dear friends: Denise Malagari and Mike Van Gilst. Denise's birthday was sunday and Mike's is today.
happy birthday, friends!
we love you!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Haiku for Girl Scout Cookies

Girl Scout Cookies--yum!
thin mints straight from the freezer...
quite delectable.
:)

Sunday, March 11, 2007

open windows


this year was my first "northern" winter; i've lived in VA since i was 5 and the weather is milder down there. i don't even think that this winter was necessarily a bad one, but it's certainly been colder and snowier than i'm used to. and i must say, the cold and the shorter days have made me yearn for the coming of spring in a way i haven't before-- perhaps i forget every year how much i enjoy seeing the new life of spring, the renewal, the freshness and color of it. the latter is more likely; in the same way, i forget my desperate need of Grace because i get used to the dark and the coldness of the human heart in its sinful state. i think it is a wonderful design of God's to create the seasons in such a way as to remind us every spring of the blessing of Grace He has bestowed upon us. and so today i am studying and i have my bedroom windows open, enjoying the fresh air after last night's rain.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

better together


there's no combination of words
i could put on the back of a postcard
no song that i could sing
but i can try for your heart
our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepiatone loving
love is the answer,
at least for most of the questions in my heart
like why are we here? And where do we go?
and how come it's so hard?
it's not always easy and
sometimes life can be deceiving
i'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together


mmm, it's always better when we're together
yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
well, it's always better when we're together
yeah, it's always better when we're together
-jack j

[not quite Biblical, but sweet]

constellations


recently, while listening to jack johnson and contemplating, i realized how small my world has become. and being so close to the city, you can't see the stars or moon very easily. how sad this is! perhaps we'll find time over the summer to go stargazing, friends.
so why this sudden interest in astronomy? it is relevent, i promise. one thing that Paul Tripp keeps emphasizing (and when i say "emphasize," i mean repeat until i'm sick of it) in Methods is that when we humans have problems, our world shrinks to the size of the problem(s). sure, this doesn't sound too revolutionary...until you chew on it for a little bit. digest it. what did you feel like the last time you suffered some kind of crisis, be it major or minor? did it consume you, even for a little bit, or did you find yourself able to let the whole thing go and trust the Lord to take care of it? i find that the situations i have less control over i actually have an *easier* time giving over to the Lord, whereas if i feel i have a hand in the situation then i try to keep it to myself. i suppose it's an independence thing, a power thing, and definitely a pride thing.
what's more, i feel like recently my classes have all been stressing community and the continuity in the redemptive-historical story of the Bible and how our lives connect in with it. i think this is sticking with me because recently (in case you haven't noticed) i've kind of dropped off the face of the planet. my work schedule seriously increased--between my job and babysitting, i'm now putting in around 25 hours a week, plus my 12 credit hours at WTS. i have a brief respite next week with no babysitting (huzzah!) but it's one of those things that you don't realize how important it is until it's gone. i feel pretty disconnected from the rest of the world, and from my community here. i miss seeing my friends. i miss seeing Christ work in and through my friends. my world has seriously shrunk to the size of my life and my problems. and when i step back and see myself for the person i am, i see that my life is very small, and certainly not worth the attention i give it. my present existence is very "me"-centred, and to be honest, this makes me rather uncomfortable.
and so i am greatly anticipating the spring, what with it bringing new life and renewal and sunlight and warmer evenings where there is the possibility of stargazing. one never feels so peacefully insignificant as when studying the Heavens.