treading water

Adidas remakes 'Star Wars' Cantina scene

2010-06-05T13:15:00.000-04:00

A bold move, Adidas. see how many celebrities you can spot in this Wold Cup 2010 advert!

"He remembered Luther's inkstand!"

2010-06-01T23:32:00.003-04:00

I find it interesting to see the intersection of thoughts and ideas. A few months ago, I was introduced to these two paintings depicting Martin Luther in his study, when he saw a demon and, reflexively, threw his inkstand at him. The inkstain was supposedly visible on the wall for centuries. Note the very different styles and artistic methods of communicating emotion and movement.

Tonight, as I was reading "The Brothers Karamazov" by Dostoevsky, I came across a passage where one of the characters, Ivan--who many have been hallucinating--has a rather extensive conversation with a man who purports to be the Devil. Ivan snatches a glass from his table and flings it at the specter, who exclaims "ah, mais c'est bête enfin"...which, roughly translated, means "it's finally stupid." He then says "he remembered Luther's inkstand!"

Great Lake Swimmers

2010-05-31T19:39:00.001-04:00

These guys are great. Wish they toured outside of Canada more often...

Arcade Fire Announces New Album

2010-05-28T21:03:00.003-04:00

It's due to be released in the UK and the US in early August. sweet. you can check out their new singles by clicking above!

Alie and Georgia Present: The McNuggetini

2010-05-27T22:01:00.001-04:00

Best comment on the page: "warning! don't make this at McDonald's. you will be asked to leave."

Horrifying Ugliness; or, incongruous and illogical

2010-05-27T17:50:00.004-04:00

"No light penetrates the darkness of absurdity."

So said Dr. David Estrada-Herrero at Westminster's Commencement Ceremony for the class of 2010. His topic was Art & Evangelism, and he was well-spoken and passionate. He bespoke of how the death of God in culture, in art, in philosophy has lead to terrible changes. We now see horrifying ugliness in the arts--nothing makes sense, all is incongruous and illogical. We see that the death of God in Philosophy leads to a distortion of and decrease in man's knowledge and awareness of himself. All is absurd; there is no hope in this picture. No light penetrates this darkness.

And it is into this void we are sent; like sheep, who have no real means to defend themselves, we are sent to spread the good news to mankind...many of whom have no desire to hear it.

This is my kind of commencement speech. But really, why should we ever expect leaving academia to be an easy road? Academia is the one arena of life that I have found to be simple, logical, and low-risk. One knows what is expected of you, in general, and how one may work towards success. It was upon leaving this arena that I realized how unpredictable and chaotic the world is, and how much we are truly at the mercy of God in the midst of it. I found myself, during the ceremony today, missing the richness of academic life; the newness, the freshness of ideas and the excitement of working through them for the first time. And then knowing that you are in seminary, learning more about the character of God and our relationship with Him, makes the environment that much weightier and more stimulating. I would never have said it, and it took two years to get to this place, but sometimes I miss Westminster. Not the New Westminster, but Old Westminster, when the Old Testament department was strong and professors were not getting kicked out of the school. All that aside, sometimes I wish that normal, everyday life was as simple as school, where success is achievable and risk is minimal. Suspension of reality, anyone?

Congratulations, Westminster Theological Seminary Class of 2010!

Closure for the McGowan family

2010-05-27T17:46:00.003-04:00

Finally, some closure for the McGowan Family. See my post on 11.14.2007 for the context (the title of this post is a link).
The man who fired the killing shot at Jayne McGowan was convicted today of life imprisonment+. At least now this part of the struggle for the family is over; now they just have the rest of their lives to get through without their daughter and sister.

Theirs not to make reply/ Theirs not to reason why.

2010-04-05T21:48:00.003-04:00

"The Charge Of The Light Brigade"
by Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Battle of Balaclava, October 25, 1854
[Written 1854]

Half a league half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred:
'Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns' he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

'Forward, the Light Brigade!'
Was there a man dismay'd ?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Some one had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do & die,
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd & thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack & Russian
Reel'd from the sabre-stroke,
Shatter'd & sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse & hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wonder'd.
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred!

Risk Assessment

2010-03-30T20:02:00.003-04:00

It is nearly April, and I thought I might update you all (whomever you are) on the year's progress, 2010 being the Year of Living Dangerously. This involves resisting the urge to self-protect, particularly in situations where risk is necessary. The issue with this is that, however necessary it is to take such chances, this does not make them safe. As people, we desire safety, security, predictability. This is not life. We cannot predict the future, and we certainly cannot control all the extraneous variables in life...and yet, we still try to do so. We seek to assess the risk of a given situation and then act accordingly in whichever way seems most likely to protect us from harm. Do not misunderstand me; I am not saying that one should not check one's harness, anchor, and carabiners before going rock climbing--to not do so would be foolish. I would compare this equipment check to anchoring ourselves to the Lord with the full knowledge that He can and will protect and guide us. What I struggle with is when to take further measures to minimize risk out of fear. Fear is a powerful thing. It can keep us from taking chances when we most need to, to go out on a limb when it matters most. But what happens when we do take the risk, when we climb out on that limb, and then fall to the ground? It is reasonably certain that this will happen to all of us at some point in our lives. Alas! Not all of our risks will be rewarded with success. What do we do then? Allow this to exacerbate our pre-existing fears? Of course not. But the temptation to do so is there. Perhaps this is when we must return to the Lord, realizing that we cannot always understand what He intends for our lives. Much as I would wish this could be the case, it is simply not so. That must be what makes it faith.

Onions Have Layers

2010-02-14T23:21:00.003-05:00

I believe people have layers as well. My Community Group is an excellent place to discuss such matters, as we did this evening. Conversation was sparked in reference to our pastor's sermon from this morning, on John 15.9-17, as we considered the topic of relationships and what the Lord calls us to be in them. Our instincts tell us to play it safe, to keep things superficial and protect ourselves; the Lord's commands are not nearly as conservative! Not only are we called to love others as Christ has loved us (which is a difficult enough task), Jesus further defines this call by telling us that we are to lay down our lives for our friends. Now, an interesting point was made tonight, in that it could be easier to conceptualize taking a bullet for someone than to walk with them on a day-to-day basis through the muck and mire of this fallen world. Who wouldn't choose a discrete period of pain (or death?) over a potentially innumerable number of days of emotional and psychological angst? Could it be said that the intense, possibly short-lived experience of the martyr might be easier than the extended, grief-filled lifetime of the saint?

And yet, this is what love is. This is what Christ has done for us--He has made life (and love) in a fallen world possible--even if it is never easy. Perhaps we could brush this command off as impossible if He Himself had not already walked this path, if He had never been tempted; this, however, is not the case. The Lord was tempted, and He endured all sorts of suffering...not merely physical, but emotional and mental suffering as well. Who are we to expect that we would be spared similar experience? What arrogance! Nevertheless, we can draw a great deal of comfort from the fact that the Lord *did* endure, to great and godly ends, His life on this earth. And He did not leave us helpless--no. He has and will equip is in trial and relationship to embody Him, if we are willing to put forth the effort. And let's not forget that this requires a significant amount of effort, self-sacrifice, and the willingness to make ourselves vulnerable to every sort of pain. We must abandon all illusions of self-sufficiency along with our selfish goals in relationships. We are guaranteed to mess things up every time we lose our focus and our desperate grip on Him.

By now, you are probably wondering at the dragon image attached to this post. It is Eustace Scrubb, the self-centred cousin of the Pevensies from C. S. Lewis' "Voyage of the Dawn Treader." If you remember, he is turned into a dragon during the story. At first he finds this to be a pleasant change, but as he realizes how he is distanced from mankind he falls into despair. Aslan comes to him and tells him that he can regain his former shape by shedding his dragon skin...so Eustace begins the process of removing his layers. Much to his horror, there are more layers than he realized between his dragon-self and his boy-self. Only when he sees his inadequacy does Alsan step in and offer assistance. Making one large, deep, and quite painful cut, Aslan removes the outer shell of Eustace and exposes the boy within. Much like Eustace, we need the Lord's help to remove our protective shells and to live as unmasked little boys and girls.

2010: The Year of Living Dangerously!

2010-02-08T20:46:00.003-05:00

2009 was the year of Adventure. Now, I know that it is already February, but it has taken this long for me to become inspired. I was talking with my friend the other day, and we both expressed the desire to live more dangerously. To traverse the line between taking calculated risks and reckless risks; to stop worrying so much about playing it safe and realize that risk is involved with everything that is thrilling and fun. All too often we value personal comfort and security over adventure and exploration; could this be why we feel stuck in the doldrums of stagnant experience? Possibly.

Now, how does this relate to our spiritual lives, you ask. I would argue that our efforts to protect ourselves demonstrates a lack of faith and confidence in the Lord and in His plans. Is it not better to place our trust in Him, who is actually trustworthy, than to trust our own feeble measures of self-protection? I for one am fallible, and my plans regularly go astray. Would it not make more sense, logically, to accept the fact that the Lord does know what He's doing...and that this does not guarantee comfort and security? To let go of our obsession with feeling safe and secure, and embrace living dangerously in the Lord's plans for us?

2009, The Year of Adventure: Fin.

2010-01-11T22:26:00.004-05:00

Well, the year has come to a close, and this is my final post on the subject of Adventure and 2009. While I do not yet know what kind of shenanigans 2010 will bring us, I certainly look forward to finding out! And with any luck, you, my faithful readers, will be a part of it all. Below, find the list of things I wanted to accomplish during the past year...X's are things I got to do!

-Roadtrip to Boston X
-Drop everything and leave town XX
-Visit the West Coast X
-Buy a new car X
-Take up a new sport X
-Dance all night X
-Explore more of PA XX
-Visit the South XX
-Make 2+ trips to NYC X
-explore Philly XX
-Get Injured XX
-Go camping one week-end X
-Go to a shooting range
-Live a Sufjan Stevens song X
-More Rockclimbing, always. X
-go to a Celtic festival X
-Hike PA X
-Go Whitewater Rafting

Pioneers! O Pioneers!

2009-12-06T13:55:00.001-05:00

Come my tan-faced children,
Follow well in order, get your weapons ready,
Have you your pistols? have you your sharp-edged axes?
Pioneers! O pioneers!

For we cannot tarry here,
We must march my darlings, we must bear the brunt of danger,
We the youthful sinewy races, all the rest on us depend,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

O you youths, Western youths,
So impatient, full of action, full of manly pride and friendship,
Plain I see you Western youths, see you tramping with the foremost,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Have the elder races halted?
Do they droop and end their lesson, wearied over there beyond the
seas?
We take up the task eternal, and the burden and the lesson,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

All the past we leave behind,
We debouch upon a newer mightier world, varied world,
Fresh and strong the world we seize, world of labor and the march,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

We detachments steady throwing,
Down the edges, through the passes, up the mountains steep,
Conquering, holding, daring, venturing as we go the unknown ways,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

We primeval forests felling,
We the rivers stemming, vexing we and piercing deep the mines
within,
We the surface broad surveying, we the virgin soil upheaving,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Colorado men are we,
From the peaks gigantic, from the great sierras and the high
plateaus,
From the mine and from the gully, from the hunting trail we come,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

From Nebraska, from Arkansas,
Central inland race are we, from Missouri, with the continental
blood intervein'd,
All the hands of comrades clasping, all the Southern, all the
Northern,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

O resistless restless race!
O beloved race in all! O my breast aches with tender love for all!
O I mourn and yet exult, I am rapt with love for all,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Raise the mighty mother mistress,
Waving high the delicate mistress, over all the starry mistress,
(bend your heads all,)
Raise the fang'd and warlike mistress, stern, impassive, weapon'd
mistress,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

See my children, resolute children,
By those swarms upon our rear we must never yield or falter,
Ages back in ghostly millions frowning there behind us urging,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

On and on the compact ranks,
With accessions ever waiting, with the places of the dead quickly
fill'd,
Through the battle, through defeat, moving yet and never stopping,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

O to die advancing on!
Are there some of us to droop and die? has the hour come?
Then upon the march we fittest die, soon and sure the gap is fill'd.
Pioneers! O pioneers!

All the pulses of the world,
Falling in they beat for us, with the Western movement beat,
Holding single or together, steady moving to the front, all for us,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Life's involv'd and varied pageants,
All the forms and shows, all the workmen at their work,
All the seamen and the landsmen, all the masters with their slaves,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

All the hapless silent lovers,
All the prisoners in the prisons, all the righteous and the wicked,
All the joyous, all the sorrowing, all the living, all the dying,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

I too with my soul and body,
We, a curious trio, picking, wandering on our way,
Through these shores amid the shadows, with the apparitions
pressing,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Lo, the darting bowling orb!
Lo, the brother orbs around, all the clustering suns and planets,
All the dazzling days, all the mystic nights with dreams,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

These are of us, they are with us,
All for primal needed work, while the followers there in embryo wait
behind,
We to-day's procession heading, we the route for travel clearing,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

O you daughters of the West!
O you young and elder daughters! O you mothers and you wives!
Never must you be divided, in our ranks you move united,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Minstrels latent on the prairies!
(Shrouded bards of other lands, you may rest, you have done your
work,)
Soon I hear you coming warbling, soon you rise and tramp amid us,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Not for delectations sweet,
Not the cushion and the slipper, not the peaceful and the studious,
Not the riches safe and palling, not for us the tame enjoyment,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Do the feasters gluttonous feast?
Do the corpulent sleepers sleep? have they lock'd and bolted doors?
Still be ours the diet hard, and the blanket on the ground,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Has the night descended?
Was the road of late so toilsome? did we stop discouraged nodding
on our way?
Yet a passing hour I yield you in your tracks to pause oblivious,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Till with sound of trumpet,
Far, far off the daybreak call-hark! how loud and clear I hear it
wind,
Swift! to the head of the army!-swift! spring to your places,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

-Walt Whitman

this is nauseating!

2009-06-15T19:51:00.001-04:00

...however, intriguing.

2009: The Year of Adventure, halfway point

2009-06-06T16:44:00.002-04:00

So, it's June. How the year has flown by! I thought my readers might be interested in an update of how the year has been progressing, adventure-wise. I believe more things will be added as the summer continues, and there have already been a few additions in the past few months! again, X'd items have been done, O'd items have plans, and, as always, if you have any suggestions please don't hesitate!

-Roadtrip to Boston X
-Drop everything and leave town X
-Visit the West Coast X
-Buy a new car X
-Take up a new sport XX
-Dance all night X/O
-Explore more of PA X/O
-Visit the South X/O
-Make 2+ trips to NYC X/O
-explore Philly X/O
-Get Injured X/O
-Go camping one week-end
-Go to a shooting range
-Live a Sufjan Stevens song
-More Rockclimbing, always.
-go to a Celtic festival
-Hike PA
-Go Whitewater Rafting

Details in the Fabric

2009-05-12T09:23:00.001-04:00

courtesy of Jason Mraz

"Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads saying
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken heart then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine
Mmmhmm

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything, everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?

Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold."

Ray LaMontagne

2009-04-02T08:25:00.003-04:00

Ray is an artist that I started listening to a few years ago, and I thought I'd share a song that I've had on repeat for the past few days. It is good.

Be Here Now

Don't let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies

Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

The "Non-Asian Italian Flush"

2009-03-25T23:26:00.003-04:00

Many of you have noticed (if you haven't, you're an idiot) that my siblings and I turn quite red in the face after consuming alcohol. I don't know if this article has uncovered why this happened or not, but it is enough to freak me out a little.

Kensington

2009-03-25T00:02:00.002-04:00

These guys are doing some cool work...I may not agree with everything the say, but you have to admit, Kensington is desperate.

Unprepared.

2009-03-19T22:14:00.004-04:00

I confess that I keep thinking that I will reach a point of preparedness, where I won't be surprised by things, by people.

This is twice this week where things have come up in counseling sessions where I have an internal monologue that goes something like this:

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!"

followed by this:

"My training did not prepare me for this!"

This feeling of unpreparedness, of not knowing what to do, or of what the next step should be--of how I can be helpful, or of what the Lord has up his sleeve--has caught me off-guard yet again. It is not a nice feeling, and leaves me somewhat paralyzed. I'd like to think that at some point (God knows when) I will have seen enough of the world and of the sin in it to not be shocked by it. Someone older and wiser than me (probably Terry Traylor) told me once that if I ever reach that point, to let him know how I got there. This is just another instance of the Lord humbling me to see that He is the only one who understands people fully, and that we need to trust Him for guidance and care...but my heart cries out that this is not good enough for me. I want to be superman. I confess.

2009: the Year of Adventure

2009-02-19T19:44:00.006-05:00

I have decided that this year, my first out of school, will be a year of adventure. Perhaps it is because, for the first time, my week-ends and vacations are actually my own. Perhaps it is because I have a steady full-time income. Perhaps it is because I have a few adventurous friends who appreciate and encourage spontaneity. Perhaps it is because now that I am out of school, my life is pretty predictable and boring--no new classes or challenges. Who knows? Anyways, this is a list of a few things I would like to do (or have already done) this year, in no particular order. Items with an "X" have already been done, items with an "O" have plans made already. If you have comments, suggestions, or would like to join in--let me know!

-Roadtrip to Boston X
-Explore more of PA X/O
-Visit the West Coast O
-Go camping one week-end
-Buy a new car X
-Go to a shooting range
-Visit the South O
-Go back to Europe
-Live a Sufjan Stevens song
-Make 2+ trips to NYC O
-More Rockclimbing, always.
-go to a Celtic festival
-explore Philly X/O
-drop everything and leave town
-Visit the MidWest with Lizzy
-Hike PA

chiaroscuro

2008-11-05T23:09:00.003-05:00

I am not quite sure why some thoughts come at night. Perhaps I do. It is late, it is quiet (because all normal people are in bed or in bed), and the flurry of activity from the day has subsided and we are left with our thoughts. I have my tea, the rain, and here are my thoughts.

This world is fallen. I get to see a lot of that now working at WES, working with people whose lives and hearts are darkened, whose minds have been blinded to the light of the Gospel and the glory of Christ. It is these we are called to most to preach to--these who are perishing. The question remains how to not lose heart when confronted with such darkness and to whom our Gospel is veiled. How can we shine with the light of Christ when we feel the darkness creeping in ourselves? When we are such fragile jars of clay, and when the reality of this world feels crushing.

2 Corinthians 4. To show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us--we who are hard pressed, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down. We are also not crushed, not in despair, not abandoned, and not destroyed. How can we, as weak and sinful people, hold these two truths in balance? How do we not lose hope--how can we be realistic about the world, see it for what it is, and not lose heart?

With the spirit of faith, Paul tells us. We both believe and speak. Not because we understand, or because we *feel* hopeful, but because we cling to the Truth and know that nothing besides it is steadfast. Because we know that the One who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in His presence. All this for your benefit, so that the Grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

All this for our benefit? At the moment, the benefits seem to be outweighed by the pain of this world. The sin that runs rampant. The trials that we see every day and are helpless to stop or alleviate. Thankfully, neither Jesus nor His apostle denies this reality--they address it. "Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

If we think about it, this has amazing potential. As pressing as our current troubles seem to us now, if they are light and momentary when taken in contrast to the eternal glory that awaits us--what Glory that will be! If it makes us look back and feel like it was worth it, that it was fleeting and purposeful, that indeed merits our hope. The difficulty lies in remembering this truth in the midst of suffering. Clinging to not what we can feel, what is tangible, but what has enduring truth. And the endlessly frustrating part of this is that there is precious little we can do to get to that place ourselves. All we are capable is crying "Abba, Father!" and trusting that He hears the words our groans fail to express. I find the hardest thing is seeing other people suffer and feeling helpless to intercede. I can trust for myself, but trusting for others--particularly when they are not reaching out in trust--the most difficult of trials.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. This holds so much weight, but when the weight lies in the unseen it can be hard to feel. When all we see is the weight of sin and depravity, we have to cling to the light of the Gospel that much more tightly because there is nothing left to cling to. Our present, sinful, fallen and dark reality is temporary. It is. We may *feel* crushed, abandoned, destroyed and in despair. But we have a Savior who is more trustworthy and more powerful than the way we feel, and goodness knows our hearts are easily blinded. We even choose to pull the veil over them because that is easier to believe. Jesus never promised that things would be easy, or painless, or free of trial. He is straight with us, and He meets difficulty with light and hope in Him. Indeed, if He could be raised from the dead, is there anything He can't do? Can He not meet that person's heart, stubborn and hard as it may be, and soften it? Hallelujah, He can. And He does. And that is why we do not lose hope. That is how we can have Realistic Hope, for ourselves and for others. We see the world for what it truly is, and *know* (not just feel) that the eternal unseen and the glory we will have there outweighs it. Praise Him.

Crisis of Confidence

2008-11-05T20:11:00.002-05:00

I stumbled across this speech this evening, and thought it was poignant and relevant to things today.

Jimmy Carter delivered this televised speech on July 15, 1979.

"Good evening. This is a special night for me. Exactly three years ago, on July 15, 1976, I accepted the nomination of my party to run for president of the United States.

I promised you a president who is not isolated from the people, who feels your pain, and who shares your dreams and who draws his strength and his wisdom from you.

During the past three years I've spoken to you on many occasions about national concerns, the energy crisis, reorganizing the government, our nation's economy, and issues of war and especially peace. But over those years the subjects of the speeches, the talks, and the press conferences have become increasingly narrow, focused more and more on what the isolated world of Washington thinks is important. Gradually, you've heard more and more about what the government thinks or what the government should be doing and less and less about our nation's hopes, our dreams, and our vision of the future.

Ten days ago I had planned to speak to you again about a very important subject -- energy. For the fifth time I would have described the urgency of the problem and laid out a series of legislative recommendations to the Congress. But as I was preparing to speak, I began to ask myself the same question that I now know has been troubling many of you. Why have we not been able to get together as a nation to resolve our serious energy problem?

It's clear that the true problems of our Nation are much deeper -- deeper than gasoline lines or energy shortages, deeper even than inflation or recession. And I realize more than ever that as president I need your help. So I decided to reach out and listen to the voices of America.

I invited to Camp David people from almost every segment of our society -- business and labor, teachers and preachers, governors, mayors, and private citizens. And then I left Camp David to listen to other Americans, men and women like you.

It has been an extraordinary ten days, and I want to share with you what I've heard. First of all, I got a lot of personal advice. Let me quote a few of the typical comments that I wrote down.

This from a southern governor: "Mr. President, you are not leading this nation -- you're just managing the government."

"You don't see the people enough any more."

"Some of your Cabinet members don't seem loyal. There is not enough discipline among your disciples."

"Don't talk to us about politics or the mechanics of government, but about an understanding of our common good."

"Mr. President, we're in trouble. Talk to us about blood and sweat and tears."

"If you lead, Mr. President, we will follow."

Many people talked about themselves and about the condition of our nation.

This from a young woman in Pennsylvania: "I feel so far from government. I feel like ordinary people are excluded from political power."

And this from a young Chicano: "Some of us have suffered from recession all our lives."

"Some people have wasted energy, but others haven't had anything to waste."

And this from a religious leader: "No material shortage can touch the important things like God's love for us or our love for one another."

And I like this one particularly from a black woman who happens to be the mayor of a small Mississippi town: "The big-shots are not the only ones who are important. Remember, you can't sell anything on Wall Street unless someone digs it up somewhere else first."

This kind of summarized a lot of other statements: "Mr. President, we are confronted with a moral and a spiritual crisis."

Several of our discussions were on energy, and I have a notebook full of comments and advice. I'll read just a few.

"We can't go on consuming 40 percent more energy than we produce. When we import oil we are also importing inflation plus unemployment."

"We've got to use what we have. The Middle East has only five percent of the world's energy, but the United States has 24 percent."

And this is one of the most vivid statements: "Our neck is stretched over the fence and OPEC has a knife."

"There will be other cartels and other shortages. American wisdom and courage right now can set a path to follow in the future."

This was a good one: "Be bold, Mr. President. We may make mistakes, but we are ready to experiment."

And this one from a labor leader got to the heart of it: "The real issue is freedom. We must deal with the energy problem on a war footing."

And the last that I'll read: "When we enter the moral equivalent of war, Mr. President, don't issue us BB guns."

These ten days confirmed my belief in the decency and the strength and the wisdom of the American people, but it also bore out some of my long-standing concerns about our nation's underlying problems.

I know, of course, being president, that government actions and legislation can be very important. That's why I've worked hard to put my campaign promises into law -- and I have to admit, with just mixed success. But after listening to the American people I have been reminded again that all the legislation in the world can't fix what's wrong with America. So, I want to speak to you first tonight about a subject even more serious than energy or inflation. I want to talk to you right now about a fundamental threat to American democracy.

I do not mean our political and civil liberties. They will endure. And I do not refer to the outward strength of America, a nation that is at peace tonight everywhere in the world, with unmatched economic power and military might.

The threat is nearly invisible in ordinary ways. It is a crisis of confidence. It is a crisis that strikes at the very heart and soul and spirit of our national will. We can see this crisis in the growing doubt about the meaning of our own lives and in the loss of a unity of purpose for our nation.

The erosion of our confidence in the future is threatening to destroy the social and the political fabric of America.

The confidence that we have always had as a people is not simply some romantic dream or a proverb in a dusty book that we read just on the Fourth of July.

It is the idea which founded our nation and has guided our development as a people. Confidence in the future has supported everything else -- public institutions and private enterprise, our own families, and the very Constitution of the United States. Confidence has defined our course and has served as a link between generations. We've always believed in something called progress. We've always had a faith that the days of our children would be better than our own.

Our people are losing that faith, not only in government itself but in the ability as citizens to serve as the ultimate rulers and shapers of our democracy. As a people we know our past and we are proud of it. Our progress has been part of the living history of America, even the world. We always believed that we were part of a great movement of humanity itself called democracy, involved in the search for freedom, and that belief has always strengthened us in our purpose. But just as we are losing our confidence in the future, we are also beginning to close the door on our past.

In a nation that was proud of hard work, strong families, close-knit communities, and our faith in God, too many of us now tend to worship self-indulgence and consumption. Human identity is no longer defined by what one does, but by what one owns. But we've discovered that owning things and consuming things does not satisfy our longing for meaning. We've learned that piling up material goods cannot fill the emptiness of lives which have no confidence or purpose.

The symptoms of this crisis of the American spirit are all around us. For the first time in the history of our country a majority of our people believe that the next five years will be worse than the past five years. Two-thirds of our people do not even vote. The productivity of American workers is actually dropping, and the willingness of Americans to save for the future has fallen below that of all other people in the Western world.

As you know, there is a growing disrespect for government and for churches and for schools, the news media, and other institutions. This is not a message of happiness or reassurance, but it is the truth and it is a warning.

These changes did not happen overnight. They've come upon us gradually over the last generation, years that were filled with shocks and tragedy.

We were sure that ours was a nation of the ballot, not the bullet, until the murders of John Kennedy and Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr. We were taught that our armies were always invincible and our causes were always just, only to suffer the agony of Vietnam. We respected the presidency as a place of honor until the shock of Watergate.

We remember when the phrase "sound as a dollar" was an expression of absolute dependability, until ten years of inflation began to shrink our dollar and our savings. We believed that our nation's resources were limitless until 1973, when we had to face a growing dependence on foreign oil.

These wounds are still very deep. They have never been healed. Looking for a way out of this crisis, our people have turned to the Federal government and found it isolated from the mainstream of our nation's life. Washington, D.C., has become an island. The gap between our citizens and our government has never been so wide. The people are looking for honest answers, not easy answers; clear leadership, not false claims and evasiveness and politics as usual.

What you see too often in Washington and elsewhere around the country is a system of government that seems incapable of action. You see a Congress twisted and pulled in every direction by hundreds of well-financed and powerful special interests. You see every extreme position defended to the last vote, almost to the last breath by one unyielding group or another. You often see a balanced and a fair approach that demands sacrifice, a little sacrifice from everyone, abandoned like an orphan without support and without friends.

Often you see paralysis and stagnation and drift. You don't like it, and neither do I. What can we do?

First of all, we must face the truth, and then we can change our course. We simply must have faith in each other, faith in our ability to govern ourselves, and faith in the future of this nation. Restoring that faith and that confidence to America is now the most important task we face. It is a true challenge of this generation of Americans.

One of the visitors to Camp David last week put it this way: "We've got to stop crying and start sweating, stop talking and start walking, stop cursing and start praying. The strength we need will not come from the White House, but from every house in America."

We know the strength of America. We are strong. We can regain our unity. We can regain our confidence. We are the heirs of generations who survived threats much more powerful and awesome than those that challenge us now. Our fathers and mothers were strong men and women who shaped a new society during the Great Depression, who fought world wars, and who carved out a new charter of peace for the world.

We ourselves are the same Americans who just ten years ago put a man on the Moon. We are the generation that dedicated our society to the pursuit of human rights and equality. And we are the generation that will win the war on the energy problem and in that process rebuild the unity and confidence of America.

We are at a turning point in our history. There are two paths to choose. One is a path I've warned about tonight, the path that leads to fragmentation and self-interest. Down that road lies a mistaken idea of freedom, the right to grasp for ourselves some advantage over others. That path would be one of constant conflict between narrow interests ending in chaos and immobility. It is a certain route to failure.

All the traditions of our past, all the lessons of our heritage, all the promises of our future point to another path, the path of common purpose and the restoration of American values. That path leads to true freedom for our nation and ourselves. We can take the first steps down that path as we begin to solve our energy problem.

Energy will be the immediate test of our ability to unite this nation, and it can also be the standard around which we rally. On the battlefield of energy we can win for our nation a new confidence, and we can seize control again of our common destiny.

In little more than two decades we've gone from a position of energy independence to one in which almost half the oil we use comes from foreign countries, at prices that are going through the roof. Our excessive dependence on OPEC has already taken a tremendous toll on our economy and our people. This is the direct cause of the long lines which have made millions of you spend aggravating hours waiting for gasoline. It's a cause of the increased inflation and unemployment that we now face. This intolerable dependence on foreign oil threatens our economic independence and the very security of our nation. The energy crisis is real. It is worldwide. It is a clear and present danger to our nation. These are facts and we simply must face them.

What I have to say to you now about energy is simple and vitally important.

Point one: I am tonight setting a clear goal for the energy policy of the United States. Beginning this moment, this nation will never use more foreign oil than we did in 1977 -- never. From now on, every new addition to our demand for energy will be met from our own production and our own conservation. The generation-long growth in our dependence on foreign oil will be stopped dead in its tracks right now and then reversed as we move through the 1980s, for I am tonight setting the further goal of cutting our dependence on foreign oil by one-half by the end of the next decade -- a saving of over 4-1/2 million barrels of imported oil per day.

Point two: To ensure that we meet these targets, I will use my presidential authority to set import quotas. I'm announcing tonight that for 1979 and 1980, I will forbid the entry into this country of one drop of foreign oil more than these goals allow. These quotas will ensure a reduction in imports even below the ambitious levels we set at the recent Tokyo summit.

Point three: To give us energy security, I am asking for the most massive peacetime commitment of funds and resources in our nation's history to develop America's own alternative sources of fuel -- from coal, from oil shale, from plant products for gasohol, from unconventional gas, from the sun.

I propose the creation of an energy security corporation to lead this effort to replace 2-1/2 million barrels of imported oil per day by 1990. The corporation I will issue up to $5 billion in energy bonds, and I especially want them to be in small denominations so that average Americans can invest directly in America's energy security.

Just as a similar synthetic rubber corporation helped us win World War II, so will we mobilize American determination and ability to win the energy war. Moreover, I will soon submit legislation to Congress calling for the creation of this nation's first solar bank, which will help us achieve the crucial goal of 20 percent of our energy coming from solar power by the year 2000.

These efforts will cost money, a lot of money, and that is why Congress must enact the windfall profits tax without delay. It will be money well spent. Unlike the billions of dollars that we ship to foreign countries to pay for foreign oil, these funds will be paid by Americans to Americans. These funds will go to fight, not to increase, inflation and unemployment.

Point four: I'm asking Congress to mandate, to require as a matter of law, that our nation's utility companies cut their massive use of oil by 50 percent within the next decade and switch to other fuels, especially coal, our most abundant energy source.

Point five: To make absolutely certain that nothing stands in the way of achieving these goals, I will urge Congress to create an energy mobilization board which, like the War Production Board in World War II, will have the responsibility and authority to cut through the red tape, the delays, and the endless roadblocks to completing key energy projects.

We will protect our environment. But when this nation critically needs a refinery or a pipeline, we will build it.

Point six: I'm proposing a bold conservation program to involve every state, county, and city and every average American in our energy battle. This effort will permit you to build conservation into your homes and your lives at a cost you can afford.

I ask Congress to give me authority for mandatory conservation and for standby gasoline rationing. To further conserve energy, I'm proposing tonight an extra $10 billion over the next decade to strengthen our public transportation systems. And I'm asking you for your good and for your nation's security to take no unnecessary trips, to use carpools or public transportation whenever you can, to park your car one extra day per week, to obey the speed limit, and to set your thermostats to save fuel. Every act of energy conservation like this is more than just common sense -- I tell you it is an act of patriotism.

Our nation must be fair to the poorest among us, so we will increase aid to needy Americans to cope with rising energy prices. We often think of conservation only in terms of sacrifice. In fact, it is the most painless and immediate way of rebuilding our nation's strength. Every gallon of oil each one of us saves is a new form of production. It gives us more freedom, more confidence, that much more control over our own lives.

So, the solution of our energy crisis can also help us to conquer the crisis of the spirit in our country. It can rekindle our sense of unity, our confidence in the future, and give our nation and all of us individually a new sense of purpose.

You know we can do it. We have the natural resources. We have more oil in our shale alone than several Saudi Arabias. We have more coal than any nation on Earth. We have the world's highest level of technology. We have the most skilled work force, with innovative genius, and I firmly believe that we have the national will to win this war.

I do not promise you that this struggle for freedom will be easy. I do not promise a quick way out of our nation's problems, when the truth is that the only way out is an all-out effort. What I do promise you is that I will lead our fight, and I will enforce fairness in our struggle, and I will ensure honesty. And above all, I will act. We can manage the short-term shortages more effectively and we will, but there are no short-term solutions to our long-range problems. There is simply no way to avoid sacrifice.

Twelve hours from now I will speak again in Kansas City, to expand and to explain further our energy program. Just as the search for solutions to our energy shortages has now led us to a new awareness of our Nation's deeper problems, so our willingness to work for those solutions in energy can strengthen us to attack those deeper problems.

I will continue to travel this country, to hear the people of America. You can help me to develop a national agenda for the 1980s. I will listen and I will act. We will act together. These were the promises I made three years ago, and I intend to keep them.

Little by little we can and we must rebuild our confidence. We can spend until we empty our treasuries, and we may summon all the wonders of science. But we can succeed only if we tap our greatest resources -- America's people, America's values, and America's confidence.

I have seen the strength of America in the inexhaustible resources of our people. In the days to come, let us renew that strength in the struggle for an energy secure nation.

In closing, let me say this: I will do my best, but I will not do it alone. Let your voice be heard. Whenever you have a chance, say something good about our country. With God's help and for the sake of our nation, it is time for us to join hands in America. Let us commit ourselves together to a rebirth of the American spirit. Working together with our common faith we cannot fail.

Thank you and good night."

Take heart, friends. This is not the first difficult time, nor shall it be the last--and Our God is faithful.

midterms

2008-10-09T09:43:00.002-04:00

Well, it's that time of year again, friends...

and I am praying for you.

"I had Some Trouble with the Scissors"

2008-10-08T10:20:00.003-04:00

Halloween is coming. Costumes can be tricky, as Charlie Brown demonstrates here when he made his ghost costume and had some trouble with the scissors. Please, ask an adult for assistance before using sharp tools.

Good Luck!

Don't forget to wait for the Great Pumpkin!

Blessing

2008-09-29T00:43:00.003-04:00

Dear Readers,

At last I can write you and give good news instead of depressing. I have a job! I had an interview last week at WES Health Services, a behavioral health provider based in Philadelphia. The interview itself only lasted 30 minutes, at the end of which my interviewer offered me the sole open English-speaking position. I deliberated for a day or two, and then called her and accepted! The salary is good, has benefits and a retirement package, and now I only await HR calling me in to fill out paperwork and do background checks.

Praise the Lord.

I cannot tell you how this journey has unsettled and burdened me throughout the summer. I felt lost, wandering about without a compass. Even in saying that I am aware of the contradiction inherent in the statement, because it is the Lord who guides and directs our steps. I only need to see so far in front of me, but my heart yearns to peer further into the future. Now that I have a general idea of my next step, I feel that I can begin to prepare to take it. I felt as though my life were on pause throughout this past season, and now the Lord has seen fit to hit "play" once more. I look forward to seeing what the next few scenes are like! What could He be doing?

And yet...part of me is surprised at my current mental state. I am still the same I was last week; no miraculous maturation occurred overnight. I am not as grown as I thought I was (you are not surprised to hear this, but I was surprised to realize it). I am still the child I have always been, only now I have greater responsibility. My life was not "fixed" by getting a job. Ha! Fancy that! Objectively speaking, I never expected it to, but part of me supposed that I would change. Really now, it is the Lord who changes hearts; how could I possibly believe otherwise?

Praise the Lord.

"The secret mysteries belong to You;
We only know what You reveal.
And all my questions that are unresolved
Don't change the wisdom of Your will."

Praise the Lord.

On Insufficiency

2008-09-17T22:07:00.002-04:00

I get the feeling that this has been the theme of the past few months for me. The Lord is clearly teaching me my dependence upon Him. It is uncomfortable. The season following graduation from WTS has in no way been what I'd expected; then again, I don't know what I expected, so how can I be disappointed? What I find is that now, with the majority of my friends back in school, my strings have been cut and I don't quite know which direction the Lord is now taking me. The things that used to structure my life no longer apply, and the Lord wants me to find my support and balance in Him. I know this.

It would be one thing if what my life comprised of previously were simply to vanish and be replaced by something new. This is not necessarily the case. I still have lingering bits and pieces of my student life, I still have the same friends and want to return to my old haunts, but I feel out of place there. Even more, the new challenges I am currently facing leave me feeling completely unprepared and insufficient. Hence this post, asking for prayer. I need wisdom in how to proceed.

Currently, I am working part-time with my Shepherding Pastor at New Life Glenside church, and he is referring me to cases of young(ish) women who are on the fringes of the congregation and needing encouraging and discipling. That is where my job begins, but where it goes remains to be seen. One of my persons of interest poses a particular challenge to me, in that she seems to not only be struggling with mental health matters, but personal and difficult spiritual ones as well. Facing all of this at once makes me feel panicky and pretty much want to run in the opposite direction--until I feel the Lord pulling on my heart and calling me back to Him. I know what He desires me to do, but I cannot see how He could possibly use me, or want to use me, in this situation. The beliefs held by this particular woman are decidedly different from mine, though she counts herself as Christian, and while she respects me and knows that I work for the church, she does not seem open to whatever small truths I try to offer her. I wonder how I can encourage her if the very basis of my own encouragement is disagreeable to her? If, for example, when I said today that her very awareness of her own struggle with the Lord is encouraging because it evidences the work of the spirit, she says "I don't know what I think of that," how can I respond? With patience and grace, I know. It makes me angry when she says her mother was, on our first meeting, testing me to see what kind of knowledge of the Scripture and of the Lord I had. It confuses and scares me when she tells me that someone is like Paul in the flesh, and that it is ok for them to make people uncomfortable because Paul and the other Apostles made people uncomfortable. It saddens me when she says that she will never know Jesus the way other people do, or that she is sick because she does not have enough faith. It worries me when she tells me that she needs to find the root cause of her illness now, while she is young, because if she doesn't it will cause further damage later in life. These things may have elements of truth in them, yes, but some of them are just plain wrong. Am I gentle enough to respond well? As Christ would, in truth and love, not over-emphasizing either?

Miscellaneous News...

2008-06-09T09:11:00.002-04:00

...or the lack thereof!

My missions trip to London has been pushed up by a few days, and is now from June 19-29. Please continue praying for our team, as we get to know each other, and as we struggle to raise the last of our support money. Many Thanks to those of you who have contributed, and to those who haven't, please consider doing so! I will be leading worship for the trip, so pray that I do not get sick while there and that my guitar does not get damaged, lost, or stolen. That would be terrible.

In other news, I have now had a Masters degree for 2 1/2 weeks and still have no job. I have had various and sundry interviews, but no offers yet. I beg your continued prayers for the Lord to open the right door(s) and close the wrong one(s). I am so thankful for the encouragement my friends, family, and church has offered me...I know the Lord will provide, but How Long?

Where Gas Prices are Hitting

2008-06-09T09:08:00.003-04:00

here is an interesting tidbit from the NYTimes.com...

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/06/09/business/20080609_GAS_GRAPHIC.html

my church has a sense of humour

2008-05-16T11:28:00.003-04:00

...and scruples, thankfully.

London Update

2008-05-04T23:14:00.002-04:00

For those of you who may be interested, we had a team meeting tonight. We got a temporary itinerary, and things look good; we're going to be all over the "little India" of London and should have a day and a half off to see the city!
also...

Dave Goneau [team leader]: "Ok, so in the mornings we're going to have breakfast from 8.00-9.00 and then worship, which Rebecca will be leading even though I didn't email her back to tell her."

Jon Foreman

2008-04-29T14:26:00.002-04:00

Is the lead singer from Switchfoot, who recently started releasing solo EP's based on the seasons...thus far he has Fall, Winter, and Spring. His vocal quality has really improved over the past years, and his solo stuff is really mellow and acoustic and delicious. Here's a sample of some of his lyrics...

"She said, "Friend,
All along-
Thought I was learning how to take
How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die"
-Learning How to Die

"Oh, I guess they'll say I've grown
I know more than I wanted to know
I've said more than I wanted to say

I'm heading home
Yeah, but I'm not so sure
That home is a place
You can still get to by train ."
-Southbound Train

"Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day."
-Your Love is Strong

job-searching

2008-04-25T12:29:00.003-04:00

stinks.

no really.

Coming of Age on Antidepressants

2008-04-15T19:04:00.005-04:00

I stumbled across this article today in NYTimes.com. It raises some very interesting questions about the recent phenomenon of people being medicated (here, specifically for depression) since childhood and early adolescence. This is certainly something that requires redress, particularly if these people are medicated during crucial periods of development. How are we to gain a sure sense of identity if we have always been chemically enhanced? And what role does Christ play in this? This article is secular (naturally), but seeing as this very well could be a counseling issue, it is worth considering. It also forces us to consider the role of medication in our lives--do we view them as panaceas, cures, saviors? Tools, steps, helpers? Is this balanced within the Christian worldview? Are we identifying more with our psychological (medical, physical &c.) state than with Christ? Don't misunderstand me--I am not opposed to psychopharmacology. What I am opposed to is seeing it as the only way to "get better," "feel better," or "beat____". This leaves no room for Christ or dependence or trust in Him. Medication is merited if there is no way to progress or grow in our relationship with Him without medical intervention. I see it as a sometimes necessary tool during psychological trial, not as the cure-all that secular psychologists and drug developers set them forth as. Those of you who know me well know that I do not say this in ignorance of the very real impact of mental illness on daily life, so I apologize if this sounds insensitive.

Psalm 49 and Understanding

2008-04-14T16:42:00.003-04:00

another encouraging bit of Scripture from class, courtesy of Dr. Powlison.

"Hear this, all peoples!
Give ear, all inhabitants of the world,
both low and high,
rich and poor together!
My mouth shall speak wisdom;
the meditation of my heart shall be understanding.
I will incline my ear to a proverb;
I will solve my riddle to the music of the lyre.

Why should I fear in times of trouble,
when the iniquity of those who cheat me surrounds me,
those who trust in their wealth
and boast of the abundance of their riches?
Truly no man can ransom another,
or give to God the price of his life,
for the ransom of their life is costly
and can never suffice,
that he should live on forever
and never see the pit.

For he sees that even the wise die;
the fool and the stupid alike must perish
and leave their wealth to others.
Their graves are their homes forever,
their dwelling places to all generations,
though they called lands by their own names.
Man in his pomp will not remain;
he is like the beasts that perish.

This is the path of those who have foolish confidence;
yet after them people approve of their boasts. Selah
Like sheep they are appointed for Sheol;
death shall be their shepherd,
and the upright shall rule over them in the morning.
Their form shall be consumed in Sheol, with no place to dwell.
But God will ransom my soul from the power of Sheol,
for he will receive me. Selah

Be not afraid when a man becomes rich,
when the glory of his house increases.
For when he dies he will carry nothing away;
his glory will not go down after him.
For though, while he lives, he counts himself blessed
—and though you get praise when you do well for yourself—
his soul will go to the generation of his fathers,
who will never again see light.
Man in his pomp yet without understanding is like the beasts that perish."

Former Days

2008-04-01T13:52:00.004-04:00

For my English Bible Class (for those of us who failed the exam), I am forced to skim the entire Bible over the course of the semester. Normally you hear me whine and complain about the assigned work, but today, as I was reading Ecclesiastes, I ran across a passage that seemed both poignant and encouraging, particularly considering the events at Westminster during the past few days and weeks.

"Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.
Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools.
Say not, "Why were the former days better than these?" for it is not from wisdom that you ask this.
Wisdom is good with an inheritance, an advantage to those who see the sun.
For the protection of wisdom is like the protection of money, and the advantage of knowledge is that wisdom preserves the life of him who has it.
Consider the work of God:
who can make straight what He has made crooked?"

-Ecclesiastes 7.8-13

We should all be finding out hope, encouragement, support and identity in the One who is unchanging and unchangeable. Even if a thing seems to be reflecting His character at a time, it too suffers from the fallibility and sinfulness of man.

my poor schools...

2008-03-28T10:11:00.002-04:00

they are suffering. most of you know that a few months ago, William & Mary told its president that they weren't renewing his contract. so he quit mid-semester. I never liked him anyways. (but still, this caused controversy and dissension)
and now, Westminster is having difficulties. for those of you who are not following what's happened, here's the recent email we all received from the Chairman of our Board:

"March 27, 2008

Thank you very much for your prayers for the special meeting of the Board of Trustees that was held on March 26 to address the disunity of the faculty regarding the theological issues related to Dr. Peter Enns’ book, Inspiration and Incarnation: Evangelicals and the Problem of the Old Testament. After a full day of deliberation, the Board of Trustees took the following action by decisive vote:

“That for the good of the Seminary (Faculty Manual II.4.C.4) Professor Peter Enns be suspended at the close of this school year, that is May 23, 2008 (Constitution Article III, Section 15), and that the Institutional Personnel Committee (IPC) recommend the appropriate process for the Board to consider whether Professor Enns should be terminated from his employment at the Seminary. Further that the IPC present their recommendations to the Board at its meeting in May 2008.”

In order to provide the entire Westminster community with a more complete understanding of the Board’s decision and to offer an opportunity for questions and dialogue, the Chairman and Secretary of the Board will join the President on campus for a special chapel on Tuesday, April 1 at 10:30 am. Students and staff are encouraged to attend and participate. Following that special chapel, they will hold a separate meeting with the faculty.
Our concern is to honor the Lord Jesus Christ and assure a faithful witness for Westminster for years to come. To that end, please pray for everyone involved during the next two months."

please pray for this situation, friends.

London, Darling!

2008-03-10T19:37:00.005-04:00

My church up here in PA is sending a missions team to London this summer from June 21-29, and yours truly is part of the team! Huzzah! We will be working with World Harvest Missions in Southall, London, primarily ministering to British Asians (or Indians, as we call them in the States). While I don't have a lot of details to share with you all yet, I do know that we will be doing mostly evangelistic work, from street and door-to-door evangelism to working book-tables and whatnot. Kids will still be in school, but there is the possibility of us teaching during the allotted time in each school-day for 'religion.'
I'll keep you posted as I learn more; keep a weather eye on your mailboxes for more information! For now, I ask you to pray that the Lord would prepare the hearts of the team and for us to raise enough support for the trip.

New Words

2008-03-10T19:26:00.005-04:00

So, friends, it appears that my naturally nerdy tendencies have taken a new and interesting twist; I have taken to looking up and writing down new words that I read or hear from day-to-day. I've decided that it's only fair to share this newfound interest with my faithful (?) blog-readers...hence, I'll post the occasional new word and its definition here, for your edification! enjoy.

prevaricate: to speak evasively
adduce: to cite as evidence

surrender

2008-02-08T14:24:00.000-05:00

Here is an interesting article I found on nytimes.com; it caught my eye because I suffer occasional migraines and thought the author might have something to say. What she did say, however, surprised me. It appears to be a secularized version of the surrender we, as Christians, are called to give to God's will...

http://migraine.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/02/07/arms-at-rest/

how interesting...

2008-01-24T19:52:00.000-05:00

I was bored in class this evening, so I decided to use the time wisely by doing some online quizzes to determine which LOST character I am. The first one I took said I was Mr. Eko. The second said I was Boone. Those of you familiar with the show will see the irony.

My New Favorite Author

2008-01-10T21:16:00.000-05:00

I must admit, it is rare that I've fallen in love with an author as quickly as I have with Dietrich Bonhoeffer. It usually takes me a few weeks or at least a few books of reading before I become completely enamored with what one person has to say on a subject. Not so with Bonhoeffer. Perhaps it is because I, like an insane person, am taking 4 credits during winter term. Perhaps it is because I am simultaneously working and interning at NLGlenside. Either way, I am blazing through books faster than I have since I started here at Westminster. Happily, this did not detract from my enjoyment or my edification from Bonhoeffer's book "Life Together." Almost as soon as I began reading, I realized that this book was packed with things I wanted to reference and remember. I was *underlining*. I am not always an underliner, but with "Life Together" it was an imperative. And since reading it on Sunday, I must have referenced it at least 4 times, all in different scenarios and situations--not even explicitly Christian settings, which I think is a mark of true versatility of an author, if their content can transpose contexts. The very fact that what he wrote has been on my brain all week also testifies to the merit of his work.

If you have not had the opportunity to read Bonhoeffer, I would say that "Life Together" is a good start. And if you have, and you have any suggestions on what I should read next, please let me know!

I think they got me about right, too...

2007-12-24T15:47:00.000-05:00

You Belong in Paris

You enjoy all that life has to offer, and you can appreciate the fine tastes and sites of Paris.
You're the perfect person to wander the streets of Paris aimlessly, enjoying architecture and a crepe.

What European City Do You Belong In?

New Use of the Alphabet

2007-11-26T23:42:00.001-05:00

rebecca is thankful for...

Apple pies.

Books; reading them and the way they smell.

Colors.

Dancing.

Engaging conversations.

Flowers.

Giving things to people when they least expect it.

Hugs; especially with my "perfect hug-height" friends.

Ingenuity.

Jokes and laughter.

Kodak moments.

Love.

Music...listening to it and trying to play it.

New things to see, learn, and do.

Orchestras, even though I was never in one.

Praying with people.

Quidditch, even though we can't really play it.

Red coats that are awesome.

Singing by myself and with other people.

Twirling in fun skirts.

Unexpected and happy surprises.

Vicissitudes.

Wine.

Xerox copies.

YHWH.

Zoology.

[thank you, Janine, for inspiring me to use the alphabet in this way.]

what is a holiday?

2007-11-23T01:47:00.000-05:00

Etymology:: Middle English, from Old English hāligdæg, from hālig holy + dægday
Date:: before 12th century

1: holy day2: a day on which one is exempt from work; specifically : a day marked by a general suspension of work in commemoration of an event--
so really, what makes a holiday? what changed? we have moved from celebrating feast days in the Catholic tradition and simply enjoying the days when we don't have to do work (homework excepted, of course)...to something else entirely? why do we now have these fanciful ideals of what the holidays should look like, even though we know that the reality never lives up to it?I don't have a real answer necessarily. What I do know, however, is that the Lord made days like the Sabbath for us to enjoy for His glory ...and not our own. My thought is that the American tradition (dream, fantasy, ideal, what have you) has taken this notion and changed its purpose. Rather than look back on what the Lord has done for us and see how He has worked in our lives, we are encouraged to look back and see what we have done, what we have come through. This cultural vision is difficult to overcome, even by Christian families. It is difficult to not build our castles on the sand and then feel disappointment when they wash away--as they inevitably do. I confess to struggling with this every time a holiday rolls around. Somehow I am unable to keep my head on straight when I come home; oh, I might leave school with every intention of keeping Christ at the centre of all my doings and sayings. But let's face it--I am a sinner. I am inadequate, even for this task. So after every holiday I return to my respective home humbled at my woeful imperfections and in full awareness of my dependence on Jehovah Nissi. Thank Goodness I have Him for my Banner, my rallying point. He is much more worthy of thanks than I or anyone I know of is. He alone has the word that can truly encourage and inspire...and He is the one who righty receives all the credit.

an update

2007-11-21T00:47:00.001-05:00

here is more information, as Jayne's story unfolds...

please continue to pray, friends.

Jayne McGowan

2007-11-14T09:51:00.000-05:00

1981-2007

her story

midterms

2007-10-22T20:36:00.000-04:00

dear friends, I am praying for you.

cheer up

2007-10-17T23:24:00.000-04:00

"cheer up, you are worse off than you figure
but you are loved anyway and I always see who you could be...

"All the stars are waiting for you to shine
and your heart is beating to find its home in mine.

"stand up, you are stronger than you figure
you just need to be surrounded by those who believe in you.

"All the stars are waiting for you to shine
and your heart is beating to find its home in mine.

"you've got to know I won't throw stones your way
All Creation waits...
oh, for you to take your place, take your place.

"wake up, it's time to dream bigger.
wake up, it's time."

I stumbled across this old 10 Shekel Shirt album, "Risk," and this song particularly stood out to me. I think because a bunch of us are in the same boat--not really knowing what the future holds, but knowing that the Lord holds it in the palm of His hand. I also remember visiting WTS last spring for the first time and a certain pair of roommates encouraging me by saying "cheer up, you're worse than you think!" counterintuitive, but very encouraging on second thought. really, if the Lord still accepts us even though He knows the depths of our sin--which we are not aware of--what is there to doubt? what is there to fear?
I am also struck by the finiteness of my imagination. He promises more than we could ask or even imagine--what does this look like? I don't even know! If He has plans for us that are better and bigger than what we imagine for ourselves, we have cause for some real excitement.

why I love fall

2007-10-08T12:44:00.000-04:00

when else can you do fun things like this?

the sun came through the clouds

2007-10-08T09:04:00.000-04:00

this morning while I was driving home from work... I was waiting at a stoplight in front of Enfield Elementary as the kiddies ran across the crosswalk...and then the sun came out and I had to put on my sunglasses. I was listening to Sufjan's "Chicago (Adult Contemporary Easy Listening Version)." it was a lovely moment.
below, a photo I took during a rock climbing trip in college.

moments like these make me contemplative, and often remind me of things I've heard or studied before. what comes to mind is the hymn "Beams of Heaven," particularly the Indelible Grace version.

"Oftentimes my sky is clear,
joy abounds without a tear;
though a day so bright begun,
clouds may hide tomorrow's sun.

There'll be a day that's always bright,
a day that never yields to night,
and in its light the streets of glory
I shall behold someday.
I shall behold someday."

I confess impatience when the Lord asks me to wait. Those streets of glory sound so good...oftentimes I would much rather be there than here. And then He surprises me with little things like sunlight, or a cool night's walk, or a word of encouragement from a friend. I was just talking with someone about how we get frustrated with the seeming chaos of the world we live in. But the world is not as chaotic as we may think it to be...it is in fact quite ordered, ordered by a God who has the grand plan in mind. Besides, in a world that is completely unpredictable, how are we then surprised by things? No. the fact that the Lord planned things makes surprises possible...and welcome.

Not Abstractions, But Epics

2007-09-08T15:23:00.000-04:00

I spent a lot of time last year wondering what it was about Biblical Theology that I resonated with so strongly. It seemed to spend a lot of time on the forefront of my mind, and I remember bringing it up several times during my homegroup from NLNE church. But it was not until the other night during our first Human Personality class that it finally hit me in full force.
We were discussing (or rather, being lectured at by Ed Welch, whom I think I will enjoy) the different ways to approach theology and how to make it relevant in the personal or the counseling realm. I really do enjoy learning theology and discussing it with friends, but many times I feel that this sort of discussion can actually prevent "real" conversation with people and I come away intellectually stimulated, to be sure, but also feeling that I don't know my friends any better because of it.
We hit upon using Biblical theological themes, as does the Westminster Confession, to access what the Bible has to say about people. Many times our theology is left in abstract or schematic forms, and this makes it extremely difficult to relate to and resonate with on a personal spiritual level. Granted, we may be academically enlightened, but how can we make the jump from the head to the heart? My pastor in Virginia used to say that the longest distance in the human body is the 18" from the head to the heart. Too true! Biblical Theology has something that resonates...a methodology that we find ourselves already using in daily life. Why shouldn't we harness that and put it to use? We spend our days listening to the stories of people's lives. In the counseling setting this is emphasized even more. This is why Biblical Theology has an inherent comprehensibility to it...it is taking what we know and using it to know not only the people around us, but the work of God as well. This is not a foreign concept for humans, and I think that it testifies to the brilliance of God and His planning for us; that He would take something that we do every day and make it a means for knowing Him more...! Awesome.
This also helps us feel connected with God. One thing that we struggle with (myself included) is feeling that God is somehow distant or that we aren't attached because we can't actually *see* Him on a day-to-day basis. But if we take what we learn in BT and apply it, seeing the entire Bible as a cohesive and coherent story, it's not too much of a leap to see how our own personal stories are simply an extension of that overarching narrative.
This changes the face of having "purpose" in our lives, of feeling that we are wasting our time on selfish endeavors. What would it look like for us to live on a daily basis knowing that our stories were all part and parcel to the Lord's metanarrative for this world? I have no idea! But it would be pretty spectacular, I can tell you that. So that is my challenge to myself and to all you who will take me up on it: don't lose sight of the Big Picture...instead, keep in sight the reality of God's continuing work in this world, in our lives. He is not finished with us yet. This extraordinary history is only culminated in Jesus Christ, and until He returns, there is much to be done.

We can thank God for Bavarian Sugar Cookies

2007-07-16T23:00:00.000-04:00

I spent the evening with Miss Hannah Clark, talking, eating pizza, and watching 'Stranger Than Fiction.' I had seen it before, but she had not, and I had no doubts that she would enjoy it. But it was the last few minutes of the film that proved especially memorable for us. The discussion that ensued was the result of one indelible quotation:

"As Harold took a bite of Bavarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true. And, so it was, a wristwatch saved Harold Crick."
-Kay Eiffel, Authoress, 'Stranger Than Fiction'

If you have not seen the film, I won't spoil the exact ending. After exclaiming "this movie is classic Mellis. It defines you," Hannah proceeded to open the discussion by relating what Eiffel has to say to Van Tillian apologetics, where we discussed how non-Christians will feel thankful for something in their lives, but they do not realize *to Whom* they are thankful. How sad is that? But it is quite true. And it really is the small things that make up our lives that we need to remember to be thankful for. It is too easy to be thankful for the big things, the miracles, the major provisions and crucial outcomes of events--but what about cookies? wristwatches? hugs? And what about when we find ourselves on the path of long obedience in the same direction, and it appears that nothing will ever wake us from the stupor of the quotidienne--the everyday--what do we do then? Do we muster the energy and the willpower and the emotion to thank God for the simple things that pull us through the day, or do we slump into apathy?
I often find myself in the latter category. On the one hand, I crave the predictable and the comfortable in times of change and trial and insecurity, but when things become too unvarying for my tastes, I yearn for something--almost anything!--to break the cycle.
So what comes from all this? The fact that I...we...are never satisfied. The predictable and the unpredictable will never satisfy, because I (we) are looking for our foundation in them, instead of in the Lord. Because really, He is the only constant in life. I may desire consistency in the midst of shifting sand, but He is the origin of all things miraculous and awesome as well.

And so, Harold Crick may find himself thankful for Bavarian Sugar Cookies, but until that thankfulness leads him to the Lord, there is sadly still much to be desired.

(But this is still an excellent film)

2007-06-27T15:58:00.000-04:00

who am i?

2007-06-25T22:58:00.000-04:00

i am...
an ENFJ on the myers-briggs test;
Extroverted-iNtuitive-Feeling-Judging...
most like the disney princess Belle;
being strong, deep, and not a slave to petty superficial things; i am (apparently) almost too good of a person...
most like the action hero James Bond;
with my suave style mixed with badass-ness, money and romance is my style...
most like the Saxophone;
being suave and savvy, cooler than the guitar, able to evoke deep emotions in people.

so i am.

what constitutes a "good read"?

2007-06-06T12:23:00.000-04:00

let's
find out.

what is a biscuit?

2007-05-11T09:07:00.000-04:00

for those of you who are wondering what goes best with tea, the answer is: a biscuit. no, not the round layered dinner biscuits you load with butter...
these are biscuits

2007-05-09T21:15:00.000-04:00

i hate uncertainty. hate it, hate it, hate it.

with a fiery burning passion.

i'm too tired to be burning...i'm going to bed.

kid quotes

2007-05-09T11:16:00.000-04:00

i've been collecting these, just for fun.

B (age 11): Jesus was a Jew? no. if He was a Jew, they why was He killed by His fellows?

A (age 8): we should look for dinosaur bones! it would be cool if we found some!
B (age 11): or something that belonged to Ben Franklin!

D (age 13): Miss Rebecca? is it 'bosom boob'?

L (age 3): why are your toenails so shiny?
Rebecca (age 23): because i put paint on them to make it like that
L: but Mommy's aren't like that...

any child (all ages): this one time ____________ and then i ______...

photos from the city

2007-05-08T18:22:00.000-04:00

that's all!

my life

2007-05-03T19:58:00.000-04:00

i don't know how many people actually read this, or how many of that number read it to hear about my life, but as i haven't seen many friends in while i thought i'd post to catch you up.

where to begin? school seems easiest. friday 4 May is our last day of class, though my last class was thursday night. i must say that i feel considerable relief at having them finished. don't get me wrong, i still have exams to face, but we have papers due the last week of class and studying for finals seems very straightforward as compared with writing papers. plus, two of my four exams are online, so my schedule loosens up a bit.
as for work, public schools still have 5 weeks left, so my work schedule will probably stay the same. i may be able to pick up the two afternoons that i had previously been unable to work because of classes. and then one of those weeks will have no babysitting, as my neighbors are taking a much-needed vacation at the shore. when the schools close i will start working at KidView's summer camp. i don't know yet what my schedule will look like, but i know that my summer involves at least one trip to NYC, one road trip to Chattanooga, TN, and hopefully lots of fun times around the Glenside-Philly area.
i think i am looking forward particularly to the summer because it will give me time to think and process these past few months. if you've kept up with my posts at all, you'll get an inkling of how discombobulated i've been feeling. i have had my first doubts about my calling to be a Biblical Counselor as well as doubts that i am even able to love people as Christ desires. this has been incredibly frustrating, and this frustration has been exascerbated by the simple lack of time to stop and attend to these thoughts. i know that i have been learning a lot in class but i am getting the feeling that i am learning so fast i'm not realizing the gravity or the effects of the material. this is rather like wolfing down food and benefiting from the nutrition but not finding time to savor and enjoy it... or to chew it properly, which could mean later indigestion.
i'm also trying to get used to the idea of having to move at the end of the summer and of having half of my friends up here graduating and moving away. good grief! talk about a social upheaval.
this past winter was really long. perhaps it's because i'm from the "south," but it took forever for spring to get here. now that it is, i am trying to enjoy it by keeping my windows open and taking walks around my neighborhood. though i definitely understand the metaphor the Lord has designed for us with the seasons, in that the length, cold, and darkness of the winter made me yearn even more for the coming of the spring. and how glorious for it to finally be here!

"consider the lilies, how they neither toil nor spin, yet i tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. but if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, o you of little faith!"
-Luke 12.27-28

last week of classes

2007-04-30T21:25:00.000-04:00

how on earth do you people have time to blog this week? i *must* be doing something wrong.

then again, i rather enjoy the solidarity of having last-week-of-classes meltdowns in the westminster parking lot with friends.

dilemma

2007-04-12T18:56:00.000-04:00

i have one. please pray for its resolve, friends.
and that's all i have to say about that.

what makes a church

2007-04-01T15:07:00.000-04:00

i go to New Life Northeast, and my church is hurting. our senior pastor has accepted a call to be the assistant pastor at Trinity Pres in Norfolk, Virginia. he said "no" when they first asked him, and then continued to say "no" for two months. he and his wife April asked the Lord to close this door if it wasn't where He wanted them, and when the door didn't close they began to prayerfully consider. after a few more months, Bob accepted the position.
what makes a church? is it the pastor? the worship style? the location? the size of the building? i would say: none of the above. however, this is especially difficult for NLNE because last year was very hard for the congregation; i don't know specifics, but i know there were great injuries suffered to both Bob and April. i find this hard personally because my church and church family is one thing i did *not* expect to change while living in PA for grad school. now what? where do we go from here? to answer my own question, from here we go wherever the Lord leads us. we had a church family meeting this morning instead of sunday school, and we discussed this. basically, we concluded that things are going to be awkward but the Lord truly is faithful, so we can and will and must depend on Him. the Rainsford family is leaving today to continue missions in Kenya, and Mrs. Rainsford confessed that her life has become more complicated since being in the missions field, but that the Lord uses the trials in our life to make our faith in Him stronger. this doesn't the trials easier, but it helps us to understand that they have a purpose. we are simply to immersed in the present situation to see the purpose(s) right now.
pray for Bob and his family.
pray for our congregation to pull itself together to rely on the Lord alone.
pray for the westminster students who need to decide how to remain faithful to Christ in the midst of this.

i am a disciple of...?

2007-03-30T23:40:00.000-04:00

which school? am i a Westminster student or CCEF student? i can't decide if i fit in either box. i don't think i am academic/theological/philosophical enough for WTS, and yet i don't know if i am a gung-ho supporter of CCEF as a movement.
i suppose i feel that CCEF has elevated their view of Biblical Counseling to Gospel status, that it alone is the way and the truth [of Counseling]. which is ironic, considering the Biblical Counseling model is all about pointing people back to Christ and Scripture to guide counseling. don't get me wrong, i think that Biblical Counseling *is* the best counseling field out there, i suppose i just get tired of hearing professors talk about how we are the only ones thinking about these things.
at the same time, i seriously cannot keep up in theological discussions. it is very stretching for me to be in them, granted, but i am simply not that well-read and the contributions i make to the conversations always seem [to me] to be trite and cliché...and unhelpful. however, i don't want all of my friends to be in the exact same bubble as me or completely like-minded to me.
given all of this, i think that the MA program probably gives the best balance of these two schools; the problem with this "balance" is that i do not feel fully integrated into either of them. i feel a tension between them and it is acutely uncomfortable. where do i belong? i go from wondering what hole in the ground some of my fellow counseling students have been living in [hearing some of the comments made in class] to feeling like the least educated person on the planet in theology classes and debates.
i am well aware of how my pride is playing into this. i *want* to be intelligent and educated, but i also have a counseling heart. that is why i chose to follow the call and move up to PA for this grad program. despite of, or perhaps because of this, i am frustrated when i find that some things are not up to my expectations or standards.
so can i be both? can i be at least moderately well-educated *and* a counseling student? or does studying counseling mash me into the box of being soft and humanistic?

i find it all boils down to this: whom do i choose to be a disciple of? easy question: i am a disciple of Jesus. how does this translate into my everyday life? i find this to be a general question for me right now. a lot of things that i never suspected would change *are* changing, and it is literally rocking my world. i haven't yet decided if these rockings are good ones, but they are certainly shaking things up and making me rely on the One who can calm the waves with a word--and that is not me. sometimes i wish it were me. sometimes.

birthdays!

2007-03-27T12:37:00.000-04:00

this is a post to celebrate two dear friends: Denise Malagari and Mike Van Gilst. Denise's birthday was sunday and Mike's is today.
happy birthday, friends!
we love you!

Haiku for Girl Scout Cookies

2007-03-15T09:17:00.000-04:00

Girl Scout Cookies--yum!
thin mints straight from the freezer...
quite delectable.
:)

open windows

2007-03-11T14:54:00.000-04:00

this year was my first "northern" winter; i've lived in VA since i was 5 and the weather is milder down there. i don't even think that this winter was necessarily a bad one, but it's certainly been colder and snowier than i'm used to. and i must say, the cold and the shorter days have made me yearn for the coming of spring in a way i haven't before-- perhaps i forget every year how much i enjoy seeing the new life of spring, the renewal, the freshness and color of it. the latter is more likely; in the same way, i forget my desperate need of Grace because i get used to the dark and the coldness of the human heart in its sinful state. i think it is a wonderful design of God's to create the seasons in such a way as to remind us every spring of the blessing of Grace He has bestowed upon us. and so today i am studying and i have my bedroom windows open, enjoying the fresh air after last night's rain.

better together

2007-03-08T23:56:00.000-05:00

there's no combination of words
i could put on the back of a postcard
no song that i could sing
but i can try for your heart
our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepiatone loving
love is the answer,
at least for most of the questions in my heart
like why are we here? And where do we go?
and how come it's so hard?
it's not always easy and
sometimes life can be deceiving
i'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together

mmm, it's always better when we're together
yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
well, it's always better when we're together
yeah, it's always better when we're together
-jack j

[not quite Biblical, but sweet]

constellations

2007-03-08T23:06:00.000-05:00

recently, while listening to jack johnson and contemplating, i realized how small my world has become. and being so close to the city, you can't see the stars or moon very easily. how sad this is! perhaps we'll find time over the summer to go stargazing, friends.
so why this sudden interest in astronomy? it is relevent, i promise. one thing that Paul Tripp keeps emphasizing (and when i say "emphasize," i mean repeat until i'm sick of it) in Methods is that when we humans have problems, our world shrinks to the size of the problem(s). sure, this doesn't sound too revolutionary...until you chew on it for a little bit. digest it. what did you feel like the last time you suffered some kind of crisis, be it major or minor? did it consume you, even for a little bit, or did you find yourself able to let the whole thing go and trust the Lord to take care of it? i find that the situations i have less control over i actually have an *easier* time giving over to the Lord, whereas if i feel i have a hand in the situation then i try to keep it to myself. i suppose it's an independence thing, a power thing, and definitely a pride thing.
what's more, i feel like recently my classes have all been stressing community and the continuity in the redemptive-historical story of the Bible and how our lives connect in with it. i think this is sticking with me because recently (in case you haven't noticed) i've kind of dropped off the face of the planet. my work schedule seriously increased--between my job and babysitting, i'm now putting in around 25 hours a week, plus my 12 credit hours at WTS. i have a brief respite next week with no babysitting (huzzah!) but it's one of those things that you don't realize how important it is until it's gone. i feel pretty disconnected from the rest of the world, and from my community here. i miss seeing my friends. i miss seeing Christ work in and through my friends. my world has seriously shrunk to the size of my life and my problems. and when i step back and see myself for the person i am, i see that my life is very small, and certainly not worth the attention i give it. my present existence is very "me"-centred, and to be honest, this makes me rather uncomfortable.
and so i am greatly anticipating the spring, what with it bringing new life and renewal and sunlight and warmer evenings where there is the possibility of stargazing. one never feels so peacefully insignificant as when studying the Heavens.

Oh My God

2007-02-26T12:41:00.000-05:00

Oh my God, look around this place,
Your fingers reach around the bone,
you set the break and set the tone
For flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain all fools say, "Oh my God."

Oh my God, why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed,
There is no cure for our disease.
Turn a phrase and rise again,
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friends,
Oh My God.

Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief.
Weddings, boats, and alibis,
All drift away, and a mother cries...

Liars and fools, sons and failures, theives will always say..
Lost and found, ailing wanderers, healers always say..
Whores and angels, men with problems, leavers always say..
Broken hearted, separated, orphans always say..
War creators, racial haters, preachers always say..
Distant fathers, fallen warriors, givers always say..
Pilgrim saints, lonely widows, users always say..
Fearful mothers, watchful doubters, Saviors always say..

Sometimes I can not forgive
and these days mercy cuts so deep,
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I'd dream we're better, scales were gone and faces lighter,
When we wake we hate our brother, we still move to hurt each other,
Sometimes I can close my eyes and all the fear the keeps me silent,
Falls below my heavy breathing, what makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder, we all have the need for wonder.
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the plunder.

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven,
All the times I thought to reach up, all the times I had to give up.
Babies underneath their beds, in hospitals that cannot treat them.
All the wounds that money causes, all the comforts of cathedrals,
All the cries of thirsty children, this is our inheritance,
All the rage of watching mothers, this is our greatest offense
Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God.

-jars of clay

big 2-3

2007-01-31T11:30:00.000-05:00

it's my birthday today and i'm working this afternoon.
there's no cake, there's no ice cream....happy birthday.
(it could be worse, i could have a pin in my neck)

my accent

2007-01-25T13:48:00.001-05:00

jumping on this bandwagon...

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
Philadelphia
The South
The Northeast
The Inland North
Boston
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

heart preferences

2007-01-23T21:40:00.000-05:00

we came upon this during homegroup on sunday: in an argument, would you prefer to be:
a. right or
b. forgiven?

ouch. tough question. i know the "correct" answer is b. forgiven, but that's a big pill to swallow. i have my pride (as we Americans like to say), and i don't like my pride being hurt, as it does when i am wrong. and i am often wrong.

siblings and fammilly

2007-01-23T21:32:00.000-05:00

do any of you have siblings? how about younger siblings? well, i have 3 of them: one older sister, one younger sister, and one younger brother. i love them dearly, however, they are not Christians so we don't connect on many levels. for example: i am in seminary, which must mean that i think i'm a better and more holy person than they are. definitely not true, and those who know me well see how full of fault i am. and yet, while i find non-Christians are most unwilling to think better of Christians for having faith in the Lord, i find that they are more than willing to think worse of us when we screw things up. my younger sister thinks i hold everyone to high standards. this is untrue; i hold myself to a high standard but have no right to impose this standard on anyone else. naturally. and then there is the festering mess of my relationship with my depressed and emotionally volatile mother, with whom my younger sister gets along better and therefore presumes to tell me what to do and how to act around her. thank you very much, but i do not ascribe to secular and hopeless philosophies regarding mental illness. i strive to speak the truth in love, and i get hammered for it. hooray! and my mother is coming to visit in a few weeks. so, friends, pray for me. my sister tells me to not get my hopes up about this visit. what can i do? hope that we have a pleasant but shallow interaction for 3 days, or that we make painful progress in mending our relationship? curses! people are so complicated! why can't all relationships be as simple and *good* as the one we have with Christ?

what happened to the 80's?

2007-01-20T20:50:00.001-05:00

there was so much hotness

and joy

...and well-wishing all around.

would that those good times returned! oh wait, they did. you should have been at the 80's party.

Coolness Quiz

2007-01-10T17:59:00.000-05:00

i work at a before- and after-school program for mostly elementary schoolers, with a few middle schoolers thrown in. it's not a glamorous job, but it pays the bills and gets me some life experience. today would be one of those --priceless--experiences! i was reading a book with a little boy when one of the second-grade girls came up to me with a questionnaire to fill out. she hangs out with the middle-school girls (her sister is in middle school), and i'd recently begun to suspect that they were using her to ask me rather personal questions. i think they want to know if i am cool or just old. i had laughed her questions off until now. so now i have this questionnaire--and a due date of next tuesday, when i will see her next--and my question is, is she the only one who gets to have some fun with this? i submit that she is not! and so, i put it to you, my faithful friends who read my blog but do not comment--help me dream up some farcical answers to these questions!

they stand thus:

name:
age:
job:
favorite color:
birthday:
favorite singer:
boyfriend's name:
favorite singer:
favorite designer:

she stipulated that if i have no answer, to write "none." i feel i could possibly include the truth in every answer, but where's the fun in that? she does know me as "miss rebecca," so i should probably use my name at least. but beyond that...this is too good of a joke to keep to myself! i have half a mind to use friends' names as singer, designers and stores. and i suspect i should not let on that my birthday is perilously close. you never know. haha! enjoy, friends!

i made my bed this morning

2007-01-06T14:22:00.000-05:00

one might not find this a significant occurrance, but in my room it is. usually i roll out of bed in the morning and stumble into work around 7.00am and it seems just too unfair to make my bed, as this is a firm declaration that i won't be re-entering its comforting depths for another 12+ hours. but last night i slept for 12 hours and today it is 70 degrees and feels fantastic. i have my window open! i still haven't decided how to spend my first saturday back in PA, but it is a wonderful feeling, knowing that i am beholden to none and i can't even feel guilty for not doing my homework because the bookstore is sold out of my class' books. huzzah!

all of this can only be a result of winter term, about which i have heard so much but thus far experienced so little. class only twice a week...what is that! it sounds delightful. i am working 20 hours a week, but i'm not letting that get me down. not today. my next question is: how am i to spend my time, when not working or doing schoolwork? mark traphagen says he has over-booked himself for the month. not me! anything could happen in january, and i only know one thing that will certainly happen: i will turn 23. what is 23? kind of a wasteland.

but now i shall go downstairs and eat something and then begin my saturday. what! it's 2.30pm! alas.

on perspective

2006-12-16T15:27:00.000-05:00

at last, finals are over. i had a 36-hour stretch there within which i took 3 exams, yes 3, averaging one every 12 hours. in retrospect i had pretty bad tunnel vision; it took a severe reality check to take me out of it and realize that while finals are important to my education, i can't let them capture my mind, body and spirit because there is much going on in the world that needs my attention and prayer.
this reality check came on tuesday afternoon, as i was gearing up for the first of my 4 exams and had to go to work. i work at a before-and -afterschool program at Enfield elementary; normally they leave a back door open for us to get into the building, but tuesday it was locked. this is pretty annoying because it's quite a trek around the school to the front door. i started out and ran into one of my coworkers, who is in highschool. i told her the door was locked and expressed my annoyance (notice how inward-focused i'd become?) and she proceeded to explain that the schools were on lockdown because a junior at the local high school brought a gun with him to school and committed suicide. talk about a reality check. it wasn't until then that i realized how focused i was on the things that i was dealing with. i know this is common while in school, but this was a harsh way to crack my shell. nevertheless, i worked my shift and then went to take my exams...though we didn't have work wednesday because the local public schools were closed. i realized that while i was stressing out about finals and grades, there is a family who has lost a 17-year old son; they had probably already started Christmas shopping for him. it seems so passive to merely pray for them, but i don't know them and i don't know what else i can do.

this leads me to my point: how do i lose perspective so quickly? i've already mentioned (several times) how focused i was on exams, but besides that. i realize that my prayer life had changed as well--everything i prayed for and about was in some way related to exams, be them mine or my friend's. my conclusion is that my heart is simply not big enough to want to pray for and serve others in the way i need to be. and this is so much easier around Christmas, because it seems like everywhere you go there are people asking for donations of food and money and goods. i wish i weren't a poor grad student! it's frustrating, because there are so many things i want to do but i feel stuck in present circumstances. i need the Lord to move in my situation and give me a way to serve in the midst of it; i need Him to grow my heart so that i actually *want* to love others.

a brain-full

2006-12-12T00:00:00.000-05:00

oh, to live the life of a ferret. i feel as if my head is filled to bursting with theories and facts and i have not even begun taking my first semester's worth of finals. so i am sitting on my bed with my notebook studying, while my ferret Page lies curled up in the pajamas i wish i were wearing. and yet these are moments that i need to savour while i can, because they are short-lived. in a few years i will no longer have brilliant professors shoveling material down my throat, and i will have to think things out on my own.
no seriously. this first semester at westminster has flown by, and i look forward to being able to see it retrospectively. how many things have i learned and internalized without even realizing it? quite a few, i think. it is so easy, especially during exam season, to develop tunnel vision and focus merely on exams and studies. i take joy in the little things...if i did not, i fear i would find little to delight in during this hectic time. for example, last night i baked roughly 5 dozen oatmeal chocolate cookies (yes, from scratch) and put them in Van Til hallway this morning after work around 9.00am. when i went on campus to study around 12.00, they were gone. i couldn't say why this cheers me so, but it is nice to know that i was able to bless some people (i may never know whom) in a small way. this does a great deal for my life perspective at the moment.
really, this apologetics exam. on the one hand, i feel so much more comfortable with the prospect of actually having an apologetic conversation with a nonbeliever...but i loathe memorizing and regurgitating material. with a passion.
oh, how happy shall friday be, when i burst out of my last exam (only to go to work later) knowing that i won't be wasting time by reading for fun and watching movies with friends and staying up late talking.